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Thursday, October 18, 2007

When Your Best Just Isn't Good Enough.

I don't think I'm getting the "mother of the year" award any time soon. I just can't seem to get it together. This morning I was so proud of myself... we were on time. Everyone was changed and dressed, Andrew had a pretty healthy lunch and snack and I gave the older two a breakfast that actually required cooking instead of pouring. (if you consider toasting waffles "cooking", which lately, I do) We're about to leave the house on time but I can't find my keys. We have a spare, but it's still at the old house. Why we haven't brought it over yet, I have no clue, because a spare key sitting in a house that we don't live in, that we can't drive to if we don't have a car key does us absolutely no good at all. I call my husband getting on his case because I just KNOW that after he drove my car last night, he must have put my keys in some inconspicuous spot, even though he swears he didn't. I am REALLY freaking out. Andrew's going to be late to school, and they do not look kindly upon that at all. Not like preschool where they can show up whenever is convenient because you are paying monthly tuition - UGH. I'm in super stress mode by now and I've got EVERY single living being in my house yelling at me. The dog is yelling to get outside, Andrew's yelling about the ants he discovered in the laundry room and how he isn't going to have time to play before the bell rings, Kaitlynn's screaming because she got her fingers smashed in a kitchen drawer and the baby is crying because it's been a whole 2 hours since he's last eaten. In a last resort to solve this situation, I call my friend Jennifer, on a morning where she didn't need to be up at any particularly time - A.K.A. I woke her up out of bed on a sleep in day. Talk about feeling terrible for waking up a pregnant Stay At Home Mom. She says she'll get dressed and be right over in 15 minutes - Thank God for good friends. Before she got here my brother in law found my keys - they were in his room. PHEW - I'm not even mad. I'm just SOOO happy to have my keys so I can get my kids to school.

Andrew ends up being 10 minutes late and this just really rubs me the wrong way because I have a feeling the teacher already thinks I'm a complete flake and/or basketcase and/or young irresponsible mom. This year he's already been picked up late 3 times, we've forgotten to send him with a lunch once, without a snack twice, he didn't have anyone there for Grandparents day, I'm never able to volunteer in the classroom and now he's late for school. To make matters worse, when I pull up to the school, there are STILL a ton of cars in the parking lot and lined up along the street. It CAN'T be possible that all these students are late like us, can it? Well that would make me feel better - but no. That's not it. I eventually start remembering that there is some event at school today that I'm supposed to be at from 8:30- 9 am. I THINK it might be Apple Day but I don't have any clue at all. So just EFFING GREAT! I'm missing this too... seriously I can't feel like a worse mom at this point. I know a lot of parents can't make things like this, because they can't get out of work. But I'm a stay at home mom and I still manage to not make it to important school events - just can't feel any worse at that point :(

After getting Andrew off to school, it's time to get gas since my meter says I have only 1 mile left until I run out (I don't know how accurate those things are) and I've still got a 20 minute drive to get Kaitlynn to preschool. I find the nearest gas station, but just my luck- it's under construction, so no gas... race over to the next major street to a Chevron that is $3.13 a gallon and get just enough to last me a couple days. Mind you, the baby is screaming during this entire fiasco because he STILL hasn't eaten. Finally Kaitlynn gets to preschool - 30 minutes late. I now have 30 minutes to get home and clean up my room, feed the baby and fold laundry before our alarm installer gets there at 9:30. (plus I still needed to find part of the alarm, which is packed in boxes in the garage). Once I hit my driver's seat after preschool, it's time to just let it all out.... here comes the breakdown. Luckily I had my big sunglasses on this morning so the other drivers didn't ALSO thing I was a wacko (along with Andrew's teacher).

I just don't know what else to do. What do you do when your best isn't good enough? Constantly I try and try to make everything work, to be a perfect mom, (I know we can never acheive perfection, but we still strive for it, don't we?) a good cook, a good housekeeper... keep my kids and husband fed and happy and clean (btw - my youngest hasn't had a bath in a week and the older two are a day late on baths already) and it just isn't good enough, no matter what you try. There have been too many bad days lately and things just become more stressful. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this whole "mom to 3 kids" thing. Anybody got any hints, tips or suggestions? 'Cause I could sure use them right now.

As a side note.. all this and it was only 9:30 a.m. My installer called and said he won't be here until 11:30 so that at least buys me some time to get this all out. Jennifer will be here with her son at 12:30 for a lunch playdate and she's taking care of lunch (since I screwed that up too) so that will be a nice way to get my mind off all of that. After she leaves all hell will break loose again. Cory and the kids have appointments for haircuts at 4 p.m... downtown. (not a close drive) and I have to bake a cake for Andrew to decorate for his "Cake Decorating Contest" (due tomorrow at 9 a.m.) at school and I also have to bake 3 dozen something for Andrew's Fall Festival at school on Saturday afternoon. And yes, the school is reqiring them to be HOMEMADE... oh yah......... and individually wrapped. Now will they know if I bought some cookies at Vons and wrapped them myself? NO, but that wouldn't be showing a good example of honesty to my kids.. now would it?

Tutto il suffering nel mondo viene da piacere di ricerca per se stesso. Tutta la felicità nel mondo viene da piacere di ricerca per altri


CarlaMom2AnS said...

Awwwww, it WILL get better, I promise!!!

Megan said...

try not to beat yourself up! your still getting into a routine of having the three kids, and you just had a big move....as long as your kids know you love them, and they are fed (even if it is fast food, or mac and cheese....BTDT!)that is all that matters right now!
cut yourself some slack, your low on sleep and energy, and full of extra hormones and stress....my advice? go buy some cookies and wrap them up, give mitchell to dh after the older two are in bed, and go take a nice long hot shower or bath....tomarrow might just start looking a little brighter!