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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

No Regrets.

For as long as I've been an adult, I've always wanted four children. My husband had his mind set on two little ones. After Kaitlynn was born, he had his mind made up - one boy, one girl, a perfect match - he was done. BUT, it just wasn't enough for me. I still had that longing for another baby. Around September of 2006 we went to a consultation for a vasectomy. I thought I was ready to end that chapter of our lives, but all the appointment did was get my mind reeling again about that third baby. So we put the vasectomy on hold and after a couple of months, my husband decided he wouldn't mind a third child so much. BUT he informed me repeatedly that this was DEFINITELY it - we would not be having four children. I kept that information tucked away in the back of my conscience, but still wondered if we'd one day fulfill my dream of a six person family.

The time came when Mitchell was about six months old and eating solids every night. Usually, a couple of people in my family are done eating their dinner by the time I sit down to scarf down my now cold plate of food. Getting everyone's drinks, keeping food hot, ensuring they've all got the condiments they want, cutting up meat and blowing on hot food is a serious balancing act each evening at dinnertime. Now, I had an extra mouth to feed, another face to wipe, an extra set of hands to dig sticky food out of the creases of their fingers.... I distinctly remember thinking to myself at that time that our family was absolutely complete. There was just no way I could add another child to the mix.

Here we are four months and one vasectomy later and I'm just as certain today (if not more) than I was during that dinner. As per usual, I was overly exhausted when I awoke this morning. My husband was in our room getting dressed for work and our ten month old was crawling around on our bedroom floor while I tried to talk myself out of bed for the day. I finally had my feet on the floor not more than a few seconds and I was already pulling a piece of paper out of the baby's mouth. I used the restroom quickly and came out to find Mitch with a nickel stuffed in there now. Visions of my day started flooding my mind. The swiping of his mouth multiple times an hour, the non-stop sweeping of the kitchen floor to ensure he's not eating day old crumbs of whatever the previous days meals were, practically laying on top of the kid so he won't roll himself off the changing table while I get a clean diaper on him, the crying I'd hear every time he got bored of an activity after five minutes or less, him chewing on my hair, me wiping his snotty nose while he screams in agony..... Oh how I'll miss his gummy smiles, the voluntary cuddles against my shoulder, his happy greeting I get every morning when he awakes or the entertaining noises he makes when he's overly excited .. but with all that, I am confident that this is the last time I want (or have the energy) to do this.


Megan said...

I'm glad you have found that peace, I on the otherhand can't WAIT to have my 3rd one! I hope I have the same feelings after #3 because Rob says absolutly NO MORE, he is even still unsure if we will have #3!